Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
