took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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