there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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