I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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