my mouth tastes like poor choices
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
