I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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