New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
