My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
