hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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