I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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