I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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