with your own penis?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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