He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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