Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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