Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
