Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
