I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize