I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
