If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
