you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
