mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
