now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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