He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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