I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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