when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
