If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
