Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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