I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
