I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
