And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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