Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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