Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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