do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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