woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
