I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
