just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
