Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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