How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
