So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
