so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
smell my finger.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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