I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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