Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize