I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize