shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
