We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
