considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
