I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
