I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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