everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
