You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
