We got so high we made milksteak
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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