Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We are all done wearing pants today
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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