Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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