he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
