on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We just shotgunned beers for America
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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