white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
