You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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