dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
