i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
