I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
