I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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