the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
did i walk over a car last night?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
