why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
