I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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