Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
