dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
