i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
