in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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