I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
