he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
