Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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