Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
