So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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