Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
