so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
