i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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