I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
