Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
